Now And Then

Brixton Daytime/Night time

In the daytime the traffic is always busy as everyone is rushing to get to school or work on time. Brixton road is jammed with cars and there’s always someone holding up the cars at the zebra crossing. The traffic lady is always having arguments with the drivers for holding at traffic but she isn’t realy interested in what they have to say. The lorries are ear deafening, their engines make buzzing sounds that hurts my ears every time they drive past me. Before I got to school I like to revise but the irritating cries of babies always side tracks my concentration.The disgusting smell of the garbage truck that drives past everyday at 11 o’clock makes me want to throw up that chicken Mayo wrap I had for breakfast. I haven’t personally smelt a dead rat but I believe there is a high possibility that one of them are inside of that garbage truck. The smell of that curry goat and rice hits my nose every time I walk past the Jamaican food shop it makes me turn back and walk into the shop with delight. It’s like Grandma’s cooking all over again. I order the usual chicken patty and curry goat rice I pay with £5 and tell the shop worker keep the change he always gets annoyed at me though cause the £5 I give him is always in 50p’s.

After I leave the shop I make my next pit stop around the corner to McDonald’s, the sweet smell of fries and the delightful smell of the big mac always leaves a trail to inside the shop which I always fall for. Inside the shop the place is spotless not a single rapper on the floor and the atmosphere is peaceful not to loud and not to quiet. The soothing classical music inside the shop just relaxes you and it makes you feel at one with yourself. When I finish ordering my food I sit down and eat my food , the big mac was properly cooked and the cheese was melted in perfectly and as for the fries that was also done perfect because it wasn’t to salty it was just enough. After I leave the shop I always see the same boy running for the 59 bus. Indirectly he was doing me a favour cause it meant that I didn’t have to run for it because he would always hold up the bus because he has no oyster. I walk to the bus stop and get on the bus to go school.

In the night-time it’s a whole different story its like its a different place , the roads are clear so you don’t hear the sound of car’s that much but every now and then you can hear the buses. On the pavement there are no children there is just large groups of drunk people shouting and drinking.The sweet smell of the Jamaican shop is over polluted by the strong musky smell of cannabis, which makes me want to go the opposite direction because of that musky smell. The buses are always parked next to the bus stop because there is always someone who doesn’t have an oyster and is holding up the bus. Everywhere I look I see drunk people shouting and falling on the floor , one drunk person asked me where McDonald’s was I held my nose because of his disgusting breath. Walking past McDonald’s is a disgusting experience as there is always vomit on the floor and a large group of about 30 teenagers chilling outside smoking, also there are about 20 homeless people trying to touch your face begging for change. I can’t even smell the sweet smell of fries or the delightful smell of the big mac but I was hungry so I decided to walk into to the shop anyway’s. When I walked in I stopped at the door straight away because the state of McDonald’s was atrocious rappers on the floor everywhere, vomit on the floor and barbecue sauce on the window’s. It was so loud in there I could not even hear myself speak , people were shouting and fighting it was a shambles. Anyway’s aside from the chaos in the shop I still proceeded to make my order, I ordered the usual big mac and fries then I sat down to eat. The big mac was undercooked it was cold and the cheese wasn’t even melted, as for the fries they where terrible too much salt its like McDonald’s where trying to poison me!. The peacefulness that the shop had in the morning completely dissapeared at night. Everytime I tried to eat a drunk man would sit next to me and make noise, when I tried to sit somewhere else he would just follow me. The soothing classical music the were played in the morning was non existent as teenagers would bring speakers into McDonalds and play loud rap music. Imagine trying to eat peacefully with loud music polluting the air. I had had enough I left the shop immediately and walked to the bus stop. It was not a surprise for me that the bus was just there waiting for police to come because a gang of boys had no oyster and would not get off the bus.

2 Comments

  1. Similar to your other piece the areas for development are:

    – spelling and punctuation and sentence structure
    – Look at this quote: “The sound of the lorries are ear deafening because it is very loud also the crying of babies being shouted at by there mothers are annoying” – get rid of the simplistic discourse – no need to say “The sound of” and if the crying babies and shouting are annoying, describe how it’s annoying, don’t just tell us it’s annoying,

  2. This reads much better – nice improvements and a great developed emphasis on the sensory experience. I like the gentle humour as well.

    Always make sure your images are matched to the tone of what you’re trying to say – for example, I’d love to know more about the peaceful feeling of Macdonalds – what’s that actually like? What can you hear? What is missing?

    Lastly, your final result is still being limited by minor spelling errors (especially homophone errors, like where you use the wrong there/their/they’re) or punctuation errors where you don’t use a capital letter to start a sentence.

    While it’s a ‘now and then’ structure – there’s room for smaller paragraphs inside each section – with a double space between the two timeframes.

    Do all this, and you’ll get the grade you deserve

    Currently: 29/40 – Band 3 – C1

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