Where can I start off? First of all I should I start by saying that every single one of those bus drivers have no sympathy, they see me struggle and run to the bus stop in record-breaking times sweating and out of breath but what do the bus drivers do? They drive straight past me with no remorse.
Let me tell you what happened to me one day. I woke up and looked at my watch and jumped out of my bed in panic. I was late to school. I packed my bag skipped breakfast and ran out my house. I see the bus drive up my road, I started sprinting to the bus stop I was not stopping for anyone even managed to barged my way through some school kid’s. I felt like I had dropped something but I didn’t pay no mind to it and continued charging to the bus stop. I finally got to the bus stop panting and out of breath, the bus parks up beside me and I get on walking straight past the bus driver to sit down but then the bus driver knock’s on his window and calls me back. I went back to the bus driver and he started shouting at me telling me to get of the bus cause I have no ticket, naturally I would just get of the bus but because I had my bus pass I was confident. So I just started shouting back at him telling him I have my pass and I’m about to bring it out. Whilst I’m arguing everyone on the bus is now arguing with the bus driver because they believe that I have my pass and that the bus driver is holding the bus up. So now I’m searching for my bus pass in my pocket and I can’t find it, I then realize that I might have dropped it when I was running for the bus. The bus driver took this opportunity and started getting cocky started telling me to get of the bus again and he made everyone on the damn bus complain at me telling me that they have work or college to go to and that I’m holding up the bus. I was not about to beef the whole bus so I just got off the bus.
TFL is the criminal mastermind here, they want to make money off children who are not even old enough to have a job. The latest crime they did was disallowing the use of money on the bus. Before you could pay to get on the bus if you have no oyster but now the TFL criminals have changed the rules, now if I forgot my oyster I have to buy a travel card which cost about £10!. How are school children supposed to pay £10 a day just to get on a bus that’s about £50 a week!. Another thing that annoys me about bus drivers is when they go on strikes, its like they are forgetting some people have school or work to go to. Even if the strike is only for one day, one day can determine whether you pass or fail exams and they going on strike for what? Money? They should get a pay cut instead of a pay rise if you ask me. What’s so hard about driving a bus anyway its a simple job and yet bus drivers act like there above us. That’s all I have to say about bus drivers for now but I will be back.
February 7, 2015 at 11:42 am
There are some strong features in this piece – and some areas for work.
Strengths: A confident position with a clear point and and strong individual voice.
Development:
– You need to look at your spelling and punctuation – including capitalisation of the personal pronouns and the accurate punctuation of sentences. This is paramount as these errors will drop your grade significantly on their own.
– There are times where your writing is a little simplistic in its expression. Develop your storytelling a little when you’re referring to running for the bus – really evoke the atmosphere – and when you’re making your points. Make them with persuasion – use rhetorical devices, like questions. Short sentences. exaggeration.
April 21, 2015 at 11:05 pm
If you fix your minor errors, you’ll get:
32/40 – Band 2 – B2